50×365 #98: Mrs. B.

You were the substitute teacher during first grade. I dreaded those days, particularly during reading – I was in a group of my own – and you’d make me sit closely next to you and read aloud. You reeked of body odor and musty polyester, and your neck was covered in warts.

I am a participant in Blog 365 and x365.


Farewell to Ale

We said goodbye to our friend Alessandra last night. She’s moving back to Italy to put her newly attained grad degree in Industrial Archeology to work and live for awhile in the real world. Houghton is no place to accomplish that.

Hand talker

Dinner turned out to be quite the production, and I don’t think we’ll have to cook for a week. Pork Loin with mushroom gravy, mashed potatoes, a variety of cheeses, fruit, wine, freshly baked bread, and dessert. Ah, there was dessert.

Creme brulee

We talked for hours on end, covering everything from politics to American and Italian culture. I asked Ale what her impressions of American food were, specifically when it came to grocery shopping and dining out. She pointed out differences in portion size, and in Americans’ need to have everything covered in cream or cheese. “Not as many processed foods, not as many preservatives,” she added. Ah, America. You are the queen of excess and alfredo sauce.

The dinner — our should I say, dessert buffet — was out of the ordinary for us. But after we’d driven Ale home, we realized that everything we prepared that night had been from scratch. No potatoes or rice from a box, no dessert from a can. And that’s one of the things I love about cooking at home, the control over what you’re eating. I’m not saying we make the smartest choices all of the time, but we’re trying to make smart decisions regarding keeping processed food to a minimum. We don’t have the ability or budget to buy strictly organic yet, but I think that time will come.

Speaking of organic, Ale mentioned that in Italy, food that has been genetically modified must be labeled as such. “It’s the opposite here,” she pointed out. “If I want something organic, I need to look for that label.” Interesting.

Perhaps one of the greatest compliments we’ve ever received from a dinner guest was that we’ve made them feel at home. And to hear that from Ale, whose home is thousands of miles away, made us happy.


50×365 #97: Mrs. L.

I made my mother call a conference with you after you gave me a satisfactory grade in art class. I sat next to her in tears, certain this would ruin my academic career. You were kind, handed me a tissue, and promised this wouldn’t be the end of my world.

I am a participant in Blog 365 and x365.


Movie Theater Popcorn


I picked up a small bag of this at the Co-op. Sadly, my lunch consisted of a few bites of the bag and nothing else. I was preparing a ginormous dinner for later that night; Alessandra was coming over.

I know, I know. What was I just saying yesterday about losing weight?

I was surprised how much it tastes like the movie theater variety, even down to that greasy feeling in your mouth. Also sadly, I love this flavor.

To its credit, I could pronounce everything in the ingredient list, which is big for me these days (Popcorn, clarified butter, canola oil, salt).


50×365 #96: Char V.

I needed a roommate, and you were available. Little did I know you’d stay up until 3AM daily, invite unsuspecting students to our suite to preach at them (at 3AM), and eat my food. I moved all of my stuff out while you were at work, leaving no forwarding address.

I am a participant in Blog 365 and x365.


A plan

If you are looking for a guaranteed way to gain weight and realize you’ve gained it when it’s too late to claim it’s “just water weight,” then follow my plan* for success.

Start working from home, preferably a job that doesn’t require you to meet anyone face-to-face, except for a trip or two every six months to meet up with your colleagues. This will ensure that you will never have to put on respectable clothing — say, anything without an elastic waistband — so you won’t necessarily notice the ever expanding girth as you sit in the recliner, laptop beside you on a TV table, just far enough away from the bag of Cheetos so that the neon orange cheesy powder doesn’t gum up your keyboard too badly.

Begin dating a wonderful, caring, attractive, thoughtful man who loves to cook and has never worked out in a gym. After awhile you’ll lose all interest in Cybex machines, too. This man has never been to a gym because he has the metabolism of a weasel on crack, which you do not unfortunately possess.

Live in a climate that sees snow for nine of twelve months of the year. Okay, I exaggerate. It’s really more like eight. When you walk outside in the middle of May and snow starts to fall, brush the frozen tears off your face, go back inside, whip up a pot of macaroni and cheese, eat, and repeat.

BONUS POUNDS if you happen to lose your cushy job, exhaust unemployment, apply for every job under the sun and get denied, lose the part-time barely-making-ends-meet job you did manage to get, and nearly give yourself an ulcer worrying about whether or not you’ll have to declare bankruptcy.

I’m living proof that this can happen to you, too! After three years of living up here, I’ve gained (at least) 20 lbs. Of course, it didn’t happen overnight, but more amazing to me is that I didn’t realize this was happening, say, TEN POUNDS AGO. Losing ten pounds is not a huge deal. Twenty-something requires a little more dieting, exercise, discipline…a little more EVERYTHING.

If I were the Detroit Tigers, the theme of my press conference would most definitely be “it’s a rebuilding year.”

This is my first post for NaBloPoMo, and the theme for the month is food, definitely something I’m quite familiar with and a big fan of. I’ve struggled to get moving on any kind of weight loss program. It’s been a stressful year for me, a year when counting weight watchers points has taken a backseat to questions of employment, finances, relationships, and all of the other crap called life that causes one to not want to weigh dry cereal or put down the boston creme filled donut.

And I know, I know, DIETS DON’T WORK. I’ve tried many. A friend recently reminded me that we can’t let ourselves be defined by our disappointments, something I’ve been doing lately, especially when it comes to the job situation. I know I’ve done this when it comes to diet and exercise, too. It’s very easy to get discouraged after failure and want to give up. I’ve picked myself up off the ground in other difficult times in life, so why not here?

So this time, in my quest to live a healthier life and drop all of this excess baggage that’s affecting every area of my life in a negative way, I’ve resolved to be more thoughtful of the food I’m eating, and not be railroaded by the occasional indulgence along the way. And more importantly, I need to get out and move every day.

I guess this didn’t really end up being a post on food. And I don’t want to bore people with the minutia of what I eat every day. But as I sit here, on the verge of starting what looks to be a promising job situation (more on this later), and realizing I need to squeeze into some respectable office attire (chinos with non-elastic waists), this seems like the right time to start. Things are starting to come together. So here we go.

*This plan is not endorsed by Oprah, but I’m sure she might be able to relate.


50×365 #95: Julie L.

At those summer family reunions, your siblings ignored me, the outsider who married some distant relative, but you didn’t seem to care. This could have been due to the enormous amount of dope you smoked. It definitely made them more tolerable and those long days at the beach most memorable.

I am a participant in Blog 365 and x365.



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